[PODCAST EPISODE 28] Do THIS To Start Losing Weight Today

Apr 22, 2021

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About the episode:
Listen to this episode if you find it hard to lose weight. Or if you find it hard to maintain your weight loss. Or if you feel frustrated with traditional diet and exercise programs. This episode will teach you the "trick" to losing weight in your situation. And it'll show you exactly what you can do today to get started losing weight. There's just two steps.


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Read the full episode transcript below:

Welcome to the Weight Loss Before and After Pregnancy Podcast. The place you’ll get simple strategies you can apply to your life today to start losing weight. Strategies that’ll help you reach your goal, move on with your life, and focus on the things that matter most to you. I’m your host, Certified Life and Weight Coach, Andrea Scalici. Let’s get started.

Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 28.

I want to start today by asking you a question. So which weight loss category do you fall into? There's two categories I'm going to present to you.

Category one. You find it easy to lose weight. And you can do it by following a traditional diet and exercise program.

Category two. You find it hard to lose weight or you find it hard to maintain your weight once you've lost it. And traditional diet and exercise programs frustrate you.

Now, which category do you fall into, or do you feel like you most relate to? Category one or category two?

If you relate more to category two, you might be an emotional eater, just like me and my clients. And you might even be thinking, “Who exists that falls into category one?” But I promise you, there are people, there are people that find it easy to lose weight. There are people that find it easy to follow a traditional diet and exercise program. They are out there, but I am not one of them. My clients are not usually them either. And if you can relate where you are not one of them either, you actually find it hard to lose weight or maintain your weight loss, and you get frustrated by traditional diet and exercise programs, then you might be an emotional eater.

And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with being an emotional eater, I promise you. You can still lose your weight. You can still maintain it once you've lost it. You can still have the same amount of success as people that fall into category one. You just have to do it a little bit differently. You have to sort of find a different approach to weight loss than the traditional diet and exercise program. So it's okay to be in category two. But you need to find a different approach.

And in this episode today, I'm going to talk to the people in category two. And I'm going to give you the beginning steps of what you can do to start losing weight today, as an emotional eater. Okay? All right. Let's dive in.

Now, this is going to sound really easy when I say it out loud, but I promise you it is not easy to put into action. So I'm going to give you some tips and tricks today to put this into action in your own life. And I'm going to present it to you in just two steps.

Now, the trick to losing weight and maintaining it as an emotional eater is to learn how to process and feel your emotions. Now, that sounds easy. It really does, but it's not easy to put into action. Especially if we're not used to processing and feeling our emotions. We might be used to resisting them or avoiding them or trying to say affirmations or mantras to ourselves, which is basically like thoughts swapping, right? You're trying to change the way you're thinking, even if you really don't believe yourself in the moment.

So I'm going to give you two steps today that you can start doing, which will really help you start losing weight as an emotional eater. But just know upfront that when you start doing this, some people may take to it right away, be able to put it into action into their lives and just take action on it right now, and some people may need to practice a little bit more. They may need a little bit more time to get used to these things, because it is so different than how they've been living for so long. So it doesn't matter whether or not you can put this into action right now, or you need some time to practice it. I just want you to start today. Get started with these two steps if you're an emotional eater.

All right, I'm going to tell you what the two steps are, and then we're going to talk through an example together. The first step is to stop self judgment. And the second step is to feel your emotions.

Now I know both of those sound super easy, but they are not, like I said, to put into action. So let's talk through an example on this.

Most people that listen to this podcast are probably moms, just like me. So let's talk through an example from mom life. Something that actually might happen day to day.

Let's say that you walk into the room and your child has the markers out. I think you know where I'm going with this. And let's say the cap is off the marker. There is marker all over their face, all over their hands, their clothes, all over the wall, the furniture, there's just marker everywhere, and you freak out.

You start yelling at your kid, “What are you doing? This is not cool. There's marker everywhere. Stop what you're doing right now.” Whatever you say to your kid, you just start yelling, because you just cannot believe what you're seeing.

Then the moment passes, you clean up the marker. Everything is back to normal and you have calmed down a little bit and you start to think about how you yelled at your kid and you start to feel bad. You start to feel guilty or ashamed for the way that you reacted.

And because of that, maybe you go into the kitchen to find something to eat because you really just need something to make yourself feel better. The pressure, the resentment, the disappointment, the anger that you felt earlier, just really stirred your body up from when the marker was taking place.

And then later on you felt super guilty and shameful and disappointed with yourself, and you wish you had done it another way. And because of that, you felt even worse. Both of these situations lead you into the kitchen, where you take out, who knows, a box of cookies, bag of chips, whatever your thing is, you take it out and you start eating and you just eat the entire bag.

And maybe eating that box of cookies or that bag of chips is starting to work. It's starting to make you feel better in the moment. This is because of that dopamine hit that your brain is getting. That pleasure chemical hit. “Yes, this is working. The food is making me feel better temporarily.” And then you're done with the box of cookies or the bag of chips, and then you start to feel bad about what you just ate. It wasn't on your plan. That's not healthy food. It's not helping you reach your weight loss goal.

So then you start to feel really bad and guilty about what you ate and disappointed. And so you're starting to think, “Maybe I should just get off this food plan completely. It's not working for me. I don't know what to do.”

Now, this whole example is pretty common. It's something that happens, right? Our kid does something. We get frustrated and yell. We then feel bad later on. We feel guilty or shameful for the way that we reacted, and then we go into the kitchen to try to make ourselves feel better. This is a perfect example of emotional eating.

So let me give you an alternative way that this could all play out, by using the two steps we talked about. First, stop self judgment. Second, feel your emotions.

If you were doing these first two steps in your life, let me just play this scenario in a different way and show you how they could change the outcome of you going into the kitchen for the food.

But before I do that, let me just point out that I am not going to change the way it starts. So your kid got into the markers. There's marker everywhere. You can't control that, right? You cannot control their behavior or what they do every single second of the day. Actually, you can't control it at all, but we like to feel like we can control it sometimes, right?

So at the beginning of this scenario, nothing has changed. There's marker everywhere. You walk into the room, let's even say for this example that you react exactly how you did before. Nothing has changed.

So their markers are out. The kid has marker everywhere all over their clothes, their hands, their face, the wall, just marker is everywhere. And you're thinking, “Oh, they should not be doing this. This should not be happening. I can't believe I have to clean this all up. This is a mess.” Which leads you to feel angry, resentful, disappointed, just all of the negative feels there, which leads you to yell at your kid.

Now, I want to point out here that you're yelling at your kid, not because of the actual marker on the wall, but because of your thoughts and feelings about it.

So let's say that has not changed. That situation happened. Later on in the day, after you've cleaned up all the marker and everything, you start to think about what happened. This is where I want you to stop self judgment.

Stop judging the way you were thinking in the moment, where you were thinking, “This shouldn't be happening, or my kid, this is a mess, I have to clean it up. My kids shouldn't be doing this.”

Stop judging those thoughts. Stop judging your kid for having the markers everywhere, because that's a pretty normal thing that kids do sometimes. Sometimes they know what's right, and sometimes they know it's wrong, but it is not your job to be able to control what they do all of the time. It's just impossible.

So stop judging them. Stop judging your own thoughts that you had in the moment. Stop judging your feelings. The anger and resentment and disappointment that you felt in that moment with your child, don't judge that. What's the point of judging it? Even when you started yelling at your kid, because of your thoughts and feelings in that moment, don't judge yourself for that.

Yes, you can look at what happened and learn from it for next time. Yes, you can go to your child and apologize to them for yelling at them. You can talk to them about the whole situation, talk it through, tell them why you were yelling and then apologize to them for it. Tell them you had thoughts about them writing on the wall, that they shouldn't be doing this. You had feelings like anger and resentment, that led you to yell at them and just apologize for it. But stop judging yourself for the situation.

The moment you can do that, you will feel a wave of relief and calm. You will be able to look at the situation like the one with the markers, and you'll be able to just learn from it, analyze it, figure out how to do it differently next time, apologize to your kid, and move forward.

But the self judgment is not worth it. Again, you're judging your thoughts. You're judging your feelings. You're judging your actions and you're judging your circumstances. In this situation, your circumstance was your child with the marker on the wall.

So if you can do this, stop the self judgment, some people will be able to just immediately hear me say that and stop it immediately. Some people will need to practice stopping the self judgment. You do whatever you have to do, but start doing this today. Start practicing this today.

Ok. So that's the first step, stop self judgment. The second step I want to talk about is feeling your emotions. And we're going to talk about this in the same type of order that we did the first one. So you walk into the room, marker everywhere, you have a thought, you have a feeling, you take an action to yell at your kid. That happens.

Then, you clean up the marker. You calm yourself down. And later on you're thinking about what happened. You're starting to have thoughts like, “I can't believe I reacted that way.” Or maybe it's something like, “I am doing the same things my parents did with me. I don't want to make a mistake with my kids. I'm a terrible mom. I can't believe I treated them that way.” Or whatever the thoughts are for you. I don't know.

You have a thought. You feel maybe guilty or shameful or disappointed in yourself. You feel an emotion, and then this is where you take action to go into the kitchen for the box of cookies or the bag of chips. And this is the moment I want to talk to you about right now.

If you can do step one, where you stop the self judgment or you start practicing stopping the self judgment, then this analysis that you do from the situation of the markers may go a little bit smoother. You may feel a little bit better. You may learn from what you did to do something different next time, but you still want to feel whatever emotions come up for you.

Now, feeling emotions is really uncomfortable for a lot of people. You actually feel it physically in your body. You feel it in your nervous system. It is uncomfortable, especially the really strong, intense emotions, like anger and resentment and shame and guilt, that you can really feel it in your body, and it feels super uncomfortable. Nobody wants to feel those emotions, right? But that's exactly what we have to do.

So instead of resisting the emotions, which makes them worse, instead of avoiding them by eating cookies or chips, instead of trying to thought swap in the moment, which is where we're saying something to ourself in our mind, like, “I shouldn't have done that.” And we're trying to change our thoughts. Like, “No, everything's okay. Everything's perfect. Everything's rainbow and daisies.” We try to thought swap to get affirmations or mantras in the moment to just make ourselves feel amazing, even if we don't really believe ourselves in that moment. We don't really believe those positive thoughts right there.

So that's what we don't want to do. We don't want to resist. We don't want to avoid, we don't want to thought swap. We want to just feel those uncomfortable emotions. And I promise you, even though it's uncomfortable, and even though it sucks, nobody wants to do it, it is so much quicker to just process that emotion, let it run through your body and move on with your day, than it is to resist it or avoid it, or eat something off plan and then feel worse later about what you ate. It is usually so much quicker to just feel that emotion.

Now, as kids, most of us we're not taught to feel our emotions. As kids, maybe we were crying or something, and our parents are like, “Stop crying or go to your room and do that by yourself.” I don't know how you were raised, but parents are sometimes uncomfortable with seeing their kids in pain, seeing their kids have emotions. So they try to make them feel better or make them stop doing it, or make them go and do it by themselves in their room. And that's not always a helpful thing, because when you get older, that's what you're used to doing. You're used to avoiding your emotions or resisting them or making yourself feel better by these fake affirmations and mantras in the moment. But what we really need to do, like I said before, is just to feel the emotion.

So here's two little tricks to start practicing, to start feeling your emotions. First, when you notice an uncomfortable feeling in your body, start breathing, breathe through it. You've probably heard that one before, but I promise you, it's like your nervous system, that feeling is in your nervous system, you can feel it all through your body, but if you breathe, that heavy belly breathing, if you breathe through it, it really calms your nervous system down in the moment.

And at the same time you're doing that, focus on your thoughts and focus on your body. That might sound weird if you've never done it before, but I promise you, if you consciously in the moment, feel an emotion, a super strong emotion and you breathe and you focus on your thoughts, what you're thinking, and you focused on your body, what you're feeling, you will be able to process and feel your emotion.

So in this situation that we're talking about, you are thinking about how you yelled at your child earlier today. You're thinking about that big mess of all the markers and what happened and what went wrong, and you're starting to feel shameful or guilty. So you're going to stop judging yourself in the moment. Then you're going to start breathing through it. Then you're going to start thinking consciously about your thoughts.

You're not going to try to change your thoughts. You're just going to pretend you're looking at yourself in the mirror, and the person in the mirror is the one just having the thought and you are just kind of observing it.

And at the same time, you're really connecting with your body and you're feeling what you feel. This feeling is really in my chest. It feels really dark and tight. And I feel like there's a tornado going on inside of my chest.

Talk through what you're feeling. Talk through your thoughts, breathe through the moment. And if you can practice this and start doing it, you will start to learn how to process and feel your emotions.

Then you won't need to go into the kitchen for the box of cookies or the bag of chips. Those emotions of shame or guilt or whatever was happening for you in that moment will just start to dissipate.

Now, they won't stick around. If you're resisting them and you try to fight them, they actually get stronger and stick around inside of your body. But if you process them, they'll actually dissipate and go away, and then you can literally move on with your day.

You're not going to be thinking about the food. You're not going to be thinking about that box of cookies or the chips, because you won't need them to make yourself feel better because you have processed that terrible emotion that's inside of your body. You have processed and your nervous system has calmed down.

So that is how to lose weight as an emotional eater. Do this to start losing weight today. If you're an emotional eater, first stop the self judgment. Second, feel your emotions. And two little tips for you to start being able to do that, are to breathe in the moment and to focus on your thoughts and the feelings that you're having in your body.

Don't resist the feelings. Don't avoid the feelings. Don't try to change the way you're thinking in the moment. Don't try to thought swap. Don't try to do affirmations or mantras. That is just another form of avoidance. Feel your emotions. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable they are. You can handle them. I promise you. And if you want any help doing this, you know how to find me, I'm here.

Alright. Have an awesome week, everybody. And I'll talk to you soon.

If you loved this podcast, I want to invite you to check out The 6 Stages Weight Loss Program. It’s my signature program that’ll teach you everything you need to know from start to finish to lose weight, reach your goal, and maintain it once you’re there. You’ll also learn how to have your own back through the process. Join me over at mcccoaching.com/join. I’ll see you there.


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