[PODCAST EPISODE 40] What Self-Coaching Really Looks LikeAug 19, 2021
About the show:
This is a vulnerable one for me - but I know it'll be helpful for you to hear what self-coaching really looks like. Particularly in those moments when you feel intense negative emotions towards your kids, your spouse, or anyone else in your life - and those emotions make you want to eat off plan or overeat. Listen to this episode to learn how to manage those emotions, instead of eating them.
Resources from the show:
- Learn more about The 6 Stages Weight Loss Program
- Register for free to watch or participate in Andrea's Weight Loss Journey
Read the full episode transcript below:
Welcome to the Weight Loss Before and After Pregnancy Podcast. The place you’ll get simple strategies you can apply to your life today to start losing weight. Strategies that’ll help you reach your goal, move on with your life, and focus on the things that matter most to you. I’m your host, Certified Life and Weight Coach, Andrea Scalici. Let’s get started.
Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 40.
This week, I have something really special for you. I'm going to show you exactly what a self-coaching session really looks like.
As you know, I'm currently in my own weight loss journey after having a baby and I'm recording everything for you to see. And during week number nine, I had a rough day and I self-coached live on camera to show people exactly what that looks like.
During this session, you're going to hear me struggle a little bit. I struggle with my thoughts and my feelings directed towards my son on this particular day. And you can see me go through all of my unfiltered, uncoached, unintentional thoughts. You're going to see me list those thoughts out, which is really healthy to do, to get them out of your brain. You're going to see me process some really heavy emotions. And then you're going to see me start to do some intentional thought work.
Now, every time that I do self-coaching, I tend to do something just a little bit different so it doesn't always look exactly like you're going to hear, but this is a really good example of what a self-coaching session could really look like.
If you're a current member of The 6 Stages Weight Loss Program, or if you've already registered to see Andrea's Weight Loss Journey, then go to week nine, day five, and you can watch this in video format. But if you haven't registered yet, you still have a couple of days from the day this podcast episode airs to be able to register for free.
So you have until August 21st, 2021 to register for Andrea's Weight Loss Journey, to see everything I'm doing for 14 weeks during The 6 Stages Weight Loss Program. All you have to do is go to www.mcccoaching.com/andrea, enter your contact details, and you'll have immediate access to see all of the videos I've done up until today.
But in the meantime, I really wanted to share this specific audio with you, because I think it'll be really helpful for you to not only see what a self-coaching session really looks like, but also to really hear how I look at my negative emotions, how I process them and how I do not avoid them. I don't avoid them by eating food, by putting the TV on, by drinking alcohol, smoking, any of the things. I just look at the emotions, look at the thoughts, process them through. It does not feel good, but it feels so much better after it's done.
Now I think I say this at the beginning of the audio, but I want to say it again right now, because it is so important. If you have kids in the room with you or work colleagues or anybody else that you wouldn't want to hear somebody else's unfiltered, unintentional thoughts, then please put in some earphones or pause this and listen to it later.
The stuff I'm going to share with you is my, like I said, my unfiltered thoughts about my son and they are not good thoughts. They are thoughts that I feel a little bit guilty about having. I feel shameful about, to a certain extent because I do know as a life coach, I do know that these thoughts are normal as well. So there is that, but they are not thoughts that I would ever share with my children or anybody that doesn't have a fully developed brain and wouldn't understand that these are just unconscious thoughts. Because if I were to share these with my son, he would make them mean something about him and they would bring up probably a lot of shame for him, a lot of judgment. And that would really disconnect us instead of connect us like I really want to do.
So with that said, the goal of self-coaching is for me and for you to process all of these unfiltered thoughts without sharing them with other people so we can process them, get them out of our bodies and move forward with an intentional way of thinking so that we can create more connection with our children, our spouses, just anybody else in our life that we want to have a connected relationship with.
So with that said, I'm going to stop talking now and I'm going to hit play on the audio from week nine, day five of Andrea's Weight Loss Journey. I hope you enjoy.
It's week nine, day five. It's a Thursday for me and this morning I woke up feeling a lot of strong emotions that I do not like. And I realized that these emotions are coming from my thoughts about my almost five-year-old son, Enzo.
And what I want to say about that is, it's okay. It's okay to have negative thoughts about the people that you love sometimes, but it is important to look at those negative thoughts, see them for what they are, don't run from them or avoid them or act like you don't have them. Look at them, process them, process really what you're feeling. Let it flow through your body so you can move on and focus on intentional thoughts about the people that you love. And for me right now that's Enzo.
So I'm going to do something a little different today. I'm going to do a little bit of my self-coaching out loud for you to hear and I'm going to share with you some of the negative thoughts I'm having about my son.
And if you're in a room with children or work colleagues or anybody else, you might want to put headphones in or pause this and listen to it later, because these are not things I would share with children. I would not say them out loud. There's no purpose in that. They're my own unfiltered thoughts. They're my opinions, unfortunately, at this point. So please put headphones in or listen to this later. Children should not hear this stuff. Ok?
All right. So here are some of my unfiltered thoughts about Enzo this morning.
He's so loud. He's so messy. I haven't done a good job teaching him how to take care of himself yet or cleaning up after himself. I can't take it anymore. His behavior is out of control. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get through to him. Trying to control his behavior isn't working. I'm pushing him in the opposite direction that I want to go. I'm creating disconnection instead of connection. I don't know how to connect with him right now. I feel very angry about him or towards him. I wish he would do what I tell him to do. I wish he would listen more. I wish he would be more gentle with the baby. I wish I could leave Enzo in the room with the baby and just go to the bathroom every once in a while and not have to worry. He really needs to go back to school. I don't want to do this all the time. I don't want to be a full-time mom.
Ok. Those are just some of the thoughts that I'm having about my son, Enzo, this morning. Like I said, they're unfiltered thoughts. I am not proud of them, but we all have these thoughts and it's okay to look at them. Actually it's recommended to look at them and not avoid them with food or TV or smoking or alcohol or anything else that is avoiding how you really feel. Just look at the thoughts.
These thoughts are making me feel overwhelmed, stressed, vulnerable, angry, annoyed, frustrated, confused. I feel all of the things.
So right now I'm looking at these thoughts. I'm understanding how they're making me feel and understanding that it's my thoughts making me feel this way and not my almost five-year-old son. Not him, not anything that he says, not anything that he feels, not anything that he does can affect the way I feel. It's all my own thoughts. And that's why self-coaching is so important.
So I'm taking ownership of these thoughts. I'm taking responsibility for them. They are my thoughts. I am choosing to think them right now, but not for long because I am going to start doing some intentional work in a minute here.
But before I do, I want to process these emotions that I'm feeling. So here I go, here's a little bit of me processing.
I feel tightness in my chest. It feels very dark, like it's in a cave. It feels hard, but it's also moving around a lot, kind of like a tornado inside of my chest. I feel tingly in my chest. It feels really uncomfortable. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to focus on this. It's hard. It's moving. It's moving up to my throat. It's in my esophagus and it hurts just a little bit. It's like that little tiny bit of pain. It feels a little fluttery now. It's fluttering around like a butterfly. And now it's going away. I feel so much better now.
That is me processing my emotion and it only took a few seconds, I think. Right?
Ok. So Enzo is not here right now. He cannot hear me do this. I don't want him to hear these thoughts because they're my own. I take responsibility for them and I don't want him to hear me processing these specific emotions.
I do share with him me processing emotion though, so he can understand how to do it himself. But this particular day, I don't want him to hear it. So he's not here, but Nico is, and he's starting to wake up from his nap. So I'm going to do this second part a little bit quicker on camera and do the rest more detailed later off camera.
But after I do my unfiltered thoughts and I process my emotion, now I'm going to move on to my intentional thinking. How do I want to think about Enzo? So here's some of the intentional thoughts that I have about him that I really truly believe, but I have to just remind myself in these moments after I've processed my negative emotion. Ok.
He is so much fun to be around. He makes me laugh every single day. I love him more than anything else on this entire planet and my other son, of course. I would do anything for him. I want to learn more about who he is. I'm getting emotional. I want to learn more about who he is authentically. I want to get to know him as a person. I want him to be himself with me. Because of his brain development, he is perfectly normal. All of his behavior, all of his thinking, all of his feelings are perfectly normal. It's my job to teach him about his emotions, let him have his emotions, and show him how to process it healthy. I am here for him no matter what. I want to be an example to him of what emotional balance looks like. I allow and accept all of his feelings. It's healthy for him to feel all of these negative emotions every single day, especially now that he has a baby brother in the house. It's my job to hold space for him and that's what I want to do. I want to spend time with him. I want to play with him sometimes. I want to teach him how to take care of himself, how to keep himself safe. I want to teach him more about money and the world and how to take care of things around the house. I want him to feel like an individual, like he's powerful, like he can do things on his own. I just want to love him and I can and I will, and I do.
Ok. Lots of emotion today. I think I'm going to end this video there. I'm feeling really good. I feel like the sun is coming up in my brain, if that makes sense. I feel really good. I am so glad that I looked at those negative emotions and processed them. It only took a few seconds and they literally left my body. And then I moved on to the intentional thinking, and that was what made the sun feel like it was coming up in my brain.
One thing I want to say before I end the video though is, if I ate because of these feelings and ate because of those thoughts I was having, I never would have been able to process them and move forward. They would have stayed in my body feeling very uncomfortable and the food would have helped temporarily, but the feelings would come back on top of disappointment about eating off plan and all of those things. So it's not worth it to eat because of your emotions.
You may not be able to do 100% of the time and neither can I, but the times that we can, it is so much nicer and sweeter to process the emotion and not reach for the food because that emotion stays bottled up inside of you and only gets compounded with the food, not released. This work is so worth it.
Ok. Hope you're having a good day. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
If you loved this podcast, I want to invite you to check out The 6 Stages Weight Loss Program. It’s my signature program that’ll teach you everything you need to know from start to finish to lose weight, reach your goal, and maintain it once you’re there. You’ll also learn how to have your own back through the process. Join me over at mcccoaching.com/join. I’ll see you there.