[PODCAST EPISODE 51] Workshop 1 on Weight Loss and Mommy Burnout

Nov 04, 2021
 

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About the show:
If you're feeling burnt out by everything you're doing as a mom and weight loss feels impossible right now - then you're in the right place. Let's deal with the burnout first. The weight loss will follow. Listen to this episode and do the work inside the workbook to get yourself back on the path towards loving your life again. This is workshop one of a three part series.

 

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Read the full episode transcript below:

Intro:
Welcome to the Weight Loss Before and After Pregnancy Podcast. The place you’ll get simple strategies you can apply to your life today to start losing weight. Strategies that’ll help you reach your goal, move on with your life, and focus on the things that matter most to you. I’m your host, Certified Life and Weight Coach, Andrea Scalici. Let’s get started.

Podcast: 
Hey, everybody. Welcome to episode 51.

Today, on this podcast episode, is workshop number one on weight loss and mommy burnout. This will be the first of three workshops that will take place on this podcast.

If you feel mentally and physically exhausted because of everything you’ve got going on as a mom, and you feel stuck in that feeling, then you’re in the right place.

If you feel stressed and overwhelmed because of everything you’ve got going on as a mom, and you find yourself eating food when you’re not truly hungry, then you’re in the right place.

If you want to lose weight but you have zero motivation to do it right now, or to even think about it right now, because of everything you’ve got going on as a mom, then you too are in the right place.

During this three part workshop, you’ll learn a simple process to get yourself unstuck. To get yourself moving through the burnout. And eventually, you’ll get yourself completely out of the burnout and feeling like yourself again.

By the end of this three part workshop, you’ll have a simple process that you can take yourself through again and again anytime you feel the burnout creeping back in. You’re a mom for life, I’m a mom for life, so the burnout may creep back in. And next time you’ll know how to handle it.

It may be hard to see right now, but by the end of this workshop, you’ll know how to get yourself back on the path towards loving your life again. Back on the path towards your ideal weight and away from emotional eating.

Now, I should mention why I’m doing this. I was compelled to do this workshop because I’m feeling the burnout too. I’ve got an almost five year old son and a six month old son and I’m definitely feeling it.

It’s funny. You know how when you notice something, you start to see it all around you? Like if you want to buy a new car. You start noticing the specifics of all the cars around you as you’re driving around. Well, that’s what’s happening with me right now when it comes to mommy burnout.

I’m in it. I’m aware I’m in it. And I’ve noticed a lot of my friends, family members, and clients are too. It’s clear as day for me.

But it’s interesting because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people in my life feel stuck in it. They feel like they’re never going to get out of it. Or they think they have to wait until the kids are in college or out of the house when they’re eighteen or something like that.

That is not going to happen with me and it’s not going to happen with you, if I can help it. Don’t let yourself stay stuck in the burnout for like eighteen years. That would suck and you really don’t have to. There is a way through it right now, no matter what you’ve got going on in your life. And no matter how long it’s been going on.

I was thinking about this a lot when I was putting this workshop together. Like if I’m in the burnout too right now, how can I help you move through it? How can I get you to see your way out of it? And I realized the difference between where I am and where some of my friends, family members, and clients are, and this may be where you are too, the difference I see is that I don’t feel stuck in the burnout.

I’m feeling it, yes. But I know how to move through it. I am moving through it right now. So, I really wanted to do these workshops to show you exactly how to move through it too.

We all deserve to get out of the burnout. We all deserve to move through it. We all deserve to love our lives again. We all deserve to have the energy and focus to go after our goals, to go after our dreams, to get back to our ideal weight. And we can.

It’s not going to happen overnight. Burnout is big. Burnout is made up of, what feels like, thousands of tiny, little things piled on top of one another. So, we have to chip away at it, little by little, one thing at a time, one tiny thing at a time.

And in this workshop, you’ll learn a simple process, which I’ll share with you in a minute, that you can use to chip away at one tiny, annoying thing at a time - so that annoying thing isn’t annoying anymore.

Alright. Two quick things I want to mention before we get started and then I’ll share the process with you that I’ve been talking about.

One, if this is your first podcast episode with me, welcome. It’s a good one to start with. Especially if you’re feeling burnt out right now.

Two, I created a workbook specifically for this workshop. You can download your copy right now at mcccoaching.com/burnout.

The word burnout is one word. No spaces or dashes or anything.

The workbook will guide you through the process I’ve been talking about. Which you can do during this workshop with me and again and again in the future if you need to. Which you probably will, and so will I, because like I said, it’s all about chipping away at one tiny, annoying thing at a time.

Now, let me open up my copy of the workbook, I’ll quickly tell you what the process is, and then we’ll kick off workshop number one. There are four steps.

Step one. Decide what topic you’ll focus on.

Step two. Discover what’s happening right now.

Step three. Intentionally decide how you want to handle it.

And step four. Decide what your next step will be.

Super simple. Right?

In this three part workshop, we’re going to go through this process using a very specific example so you’ll see how it works. But I just want to mention one thing real quick about this process, and you might have already noticed this, especially if you’re a client of mine or if you’ve been listening to my podcast for awhile.

So, if you’re a client of mine or you’ve been listening to my podcast for awhile, then you’ve heard me talk about self-coaching. Which you can think of like journaling or mental self-care or emotional self-care or something that helps you find emotional balance. This four step process that I just shared with you is basically self-coaching.

Step one. Decide what topic you’ll focus on. This is like you deciding what you’ll do a specific thought download on.

Step two. Discover what’s happening right now. This is like you doing a thought download and an unintentional model.

Step three. Intentionally decide how you want to handle it. This is like you doing an intentional model.

And step four. Decide what your next step will be. This is like you planning what you’ll do your next thought download on.

Cool, huh? For those of you who have been asking me for more examples of self-coaching, you’re going to love this workshop.

And for those of you who have no idea what I was just talking about, that’s ok. When we go through the specific example, it’ll all make sense.

Remember what we talked about in a previous episode? We talked about how mommy burnout is happening on three levels. Mental burnout, emotional burnout, and physical burnout. And it’s all happening because of a bunch of tiny situations in our lives and how we perceive what’s happening. Self-coaching, this four step process, is amazing because it will solve for all three levels. It will solve for all those tiny situations.

Now, let me quickly set your expectations and then we’ll dive into the example. In today’s podcast episode, which is workshop number one, we’ll cover steps one and two. And then we’ll cover steps three and four in upcoming podcast episodes, upcoming workshops.

Let’s get started right now by opening up the workbook to step one, answering the questions inside there, and deciding on our topic. If you’re thinking about this like self-coaching, this is basically you deciding what you’ll do a specific thought download on. Ok.

Step one, question number one. What is your weight loss goal and when do you want to achieve it?

As you know, I had baby Nico back at the end of April of 2021, and I'm currently in my own weight loss journey postpartum. At the beginning of my journey, my goal was to lose fifty pounds. So far I’ve lost twenty of those pounds. And I’ve got thirty left to go. So, my goal right now is to lose thirty pounds by June 2022.

My goal is very specific and measurable which will be helpful for me. When you create yours, just make sure that your weight loss goal and the date that you want to achieve it by is doable and is healthy for you.

If you can’t answer that question, if it feels like too much to even think about right now, that’s ok. Answer the question by saying that it’s just too much to think about right now.

This is a great indicator of the level of mommy burnout you’re experiencing right now. If you do this process again and again in the future for other topics in your life, and you’re chipping away at your burnout, eventually you’ll be able to answer this question. Ok?

Step one, question two. What is the one biggest thing standing in your way of achieving your weight loss goal?

Remember burnout is made up of many tiny things. So, if one thing doesn’t stand out as your biggest one, that’s ok. Just pick one and move forward.

Maybe it’s finding time to work in your business or career because the kids are home. Maybe it’s finding time to attend your weekly team meeting online because the kids are yelling in the background. Maybe it’s the chaos you feel at your kids bedtime or not feeling like you have any time for yourself. Maybe it’s you finding time to get enough sleep or exercise. Maybe it’s the laundry, the endless piles of laundry. Or maybe it’s cleaning the house and everything that goes along with that. Just pick one and move forward.

For me, spending too much time and energy on doing my kids' laundry is the one biggest thing standing in my way right now. So, that’s what I’m going to focus on in this workshop. That’s the example I’ll use for you to see how this four step process works.

In my mind, doing my kids’ laundry includes their clothes, sheets, and towels. I want to focus on this specific topic because I'm finding that I'm doing a load or more almost every day and it feels like too much. It feels like a really annoying task. And I just want to figure this out. Ok.

Step one, question three. What are the physical things you're doing, the actions you're taking, that are causing you to not be successful with weight loss right now?

Be specific. List all of the things you're doing as it relates to the topic you're focusing on in this workshop.

For me, since I’m focusing on doing my kids’ laundry, I need to come up with a list of things that I do to make that happen. In my workbook, I wrote down six things that I have to do for every load of the kids' laundry.

One, bring the laundry basket to the basement from the top floor.

Two, put the laundry in the washer with soap and turn it on.

Three, move the laundry to the dryer and turn it on.

Four, put the laundry in the laundry basket, clean the lint trap, and carry it back upstairs. 

Phew. It's so painful to get this specific, but I promise that's what we need right now. It's very helpful. You'll see later. Ok.

Five, put everything away.

And six, put the basket back in the closet.

Those six things are all of the things I'm doing, the physical things I'm doing, related to doing my kids’ laundry.

Allright. That's it for step number one. Quick and painless. I made a decision about what I’ll focus on in this workshop, which is doing my kids’ laundry.

You make the decision for yourself. And remember, you can apply what you learn from your specific topic to other things in your life later on.

Now let's move on to step number two inside your workbook. And this is where we're going to focus the rest of our time in workshop one.

Step two is all about discovering what’s happening right now. If you’re thinking about this process as self-coaching, then step two is basically you doing a thought download to discover what you’re thinking right now. It’s you figuring out your unintentional thoughts and feelings. And it’s probably not going to sound pretty or feel good but it’s important to not ignore. It’s important to become aware of. Alright. Let’s do this.

Step two, question one. How often are you doing these things? 

This is referring to those six things that I wrote down that I do for each load of my kids’ laundry. How often am I doing those things? 

Well, I’m doing them everyday or sometimes every other day. Honestly, these days it depends on how much baby spit up, and other things, are getting on the clothes and the sheets and everything else. So everyday or every other day.

Step two, question two. How long does each thing take you?

This is where it was really helpful to list out what I'm doing with the kids' laundry because now I can break it down and add it up. It was a little painful to list it all out but it’s helping me now.

So, when I bring my laundry basket to the basement from the top floor, that takes me about one minute.

When I put the items in the washer with soap and turn it on, that takes about 30 seconds.

When I move the clothes, or sheets, or towels to the dryer and turn it on, that takes about 30 seconds as well.

When I put the laundry back in the laundry basket, after it's all done, I clean the lint trap and carry it back upstairs, that's about one minute.

When I put everything away, I'm saying that's between five and ten minutes because it depends on what it is. Sheets and towels are pretty quick. Enzo, my almost five year old son’s stuff is pretty quick. His clothes aren’t tiny anymore and he typically only wears one outfit a day like me. But when it's baby clothes, there's a lot of small things, and there’s multiple outfit changes a day normally because of spit up and other things. There’s a lot of small bibs and tiny little socks and tiny little outfits. And those take a while for me to put away.

So I'm saying about five to ten minutes to put the kids’ laundry away for each load. That’s a good estimate.

When I put the basket back in the closet, that's like 10 seconds.

Now, here’s the fun part. If I were to add this all up, every single load of laundry that I do for my kids, I’d find that each load takes between eight minutes and ten seconds to thirteen minutes and ten seconds. And I'm doing that everyday or every other day.

If you do the math further, you can come up with weekly, monthly, yearly, or lifetime numbers. It adds up. In my opinion, that’s a lot of time to be spending on doing the kids’ laundry. Ok.

Step two, question three. Name all of the people who benefit from you doing these things. Include yourself. What are the exact benefits each person gets from you doing these things?

The first person who benefits is my son Enzo. Actually, I’m going to lump both of my sons together with this one, because they get the same benefit in my mind. So Enzo and Nico benefit from me doing their laundry in three ways. One, they get clean clothes. Two, they don't have to do any work to get those clean clothes. And three, they don’t even have to think about any of this. It just gets done for them.

Enzo is almost five. Nico is six months old. Of course, I'm not going to teach them to do their own laundry yet. I will someday. But not yet. So they benefit by having clean clothes and not having this work to do and not having to think about any of it.

Myself. I benefit in two ways that I can think of. One, I get the satisfaction of feeling like a good mom who provides clean clothes for her kids. That’s important to me. And two, I do this task, of my kids' laundry, how I want to do it. I'm an organized person and I like to do things how I like to do things. So that’s definitely a benefit for me.

Another person that benefits from me doing the kids’ laundry is my husband, Simone. He doesn't have to do any of the kids’ laundry. He doesn't have to lift a finger. He doesn't even have to think about it very often.

Every once in a while I do ask him to help out, and he does, but it's not that often. So he's not having to do any of the kids' laundry or at least not that often. And he doesn't even really think about it that much.

Step two, question four. When you think about your answer to the previous question, how do you feel?

Oh, this is a good one. The workbook also says be specific for each person. Including yourself.

So for Enzo and Nico, when I think about providing them with clean clothes, I feel proud. I feel like a proud mama. Like, proud of myself that I get to do that for them.

When I think about myself, the benefits I get from doing my kids’ laundry, I kind of have mixed feelings. I do feel proud and accomplished. But I also feel tired and overwhelmed.

Next is my husband, Simone. How do I feel when I think about him rarely doing the kids' laundry and him rarely having to think about doing their laundry?

I’ll be honest. I feel annoyed and resentful. There I said it. Annoyed and resentful that he doesn't have to do this and I do.

When you answer this question for yourself, make sure that you answer this question honestly, too. Your answer to this question may be adding to the burnout. And we have to discover it, we have to acknowledge it, before we can even think about reducing the burnout. Ok?

Step two, question five. Why do you feel that way? Be specific for each person. Including yourself.

Well, when it comes to Enzo and Nico, it's pretty easy. I feel proud because I feel like I'm a good mom.

For myself, I feel proud and accomplished because I work hard to do this for my kids. To provide clean clothes, sheets, and towels to my kids.

But I also feel tired and overwhelmed because I think it’s a lot. It’s a lot of laundry. It’s a lot of time and effort and I’m doing it frequently and it’s always piling up. Sometimes I finish all the laundry, and I walk upstairs to find another basket has been filled. It feels never ending.

For my husband, Simone, I'm feeling annoyed and resentful because I think he should be helping more. He should be doing more of the kids’ laundry. We should be splitting it fifty-fifty. And I wish I didn’t have to ask him to help, like ever. I wish he would just help.

Now, I know my husband is an amazing guy. He does a lot for our family. I’m fully aware of everything he does. But, remember, step two is all about discovery. It’s about discovering what’s happening right now. What’s happening inside our brains right now. What’s happening with us mentally, emotionally, and physically. So, that’s what we’re doing here, and my answer to this question is my unintentional thoughts about Simone in this situation. Ok.

Step two, question six. This is a good one. What has to change for you to feel better?

My unintentional thoughts, my unconscious brain says that in order for me to feel better, I have to have way less responsibility when it comes to the kids’ laundry. My brain says that I shouldn’t be doing that much work, that often. And my husband has to contribute more. The kids’ laundry has to be split fifty-fifty between us. My unintentional thoughts, my unconscious brain says that would make me feel better.

Step two, question seven. Why is it important to you that these things get done?

This is easy. It’s important to me because I want my kids to have clean clothes. I want them to have clean sheets. I want them to have clean towels. And this is non-negotiable for me.

Step two, question eight. What might happen if nothing changes?

Well, in my workbook, I kind of made a little joke here at the beginning. I wrote, “If nothing changes, I might lose my mind.” I might lose my mind. Then I wrote just kidding.

In all seriousness, if nothing changes, I feel like I will continue to do my kids’ laundry. I will continue to feel burnt out. I will continue to feel annoyed and resentful towards my husband, Simone, and actually those feelings may get worse. I will continue to create disconnection with him because of how I’m feeling. And my kids will pick up on that energy, because kids are smart, and maybe it will have lasting effects on them. Like, how they view a marriage and how they think about what love is. Who knows?

Step two, question nine. How will you handle it if nothing changes?

I wrote that I don't want to lose my mind or continue to feel burnt out or continue to be annoyed and resentful towards Simone. But it is a lot.

If nothing changes, I think I will just do the laundry less often and be ok with it piling up a little bit. And if my kids don’t have enough clean stuff, I’ll buy more to have as backup.

If nothing changes, I would also want to focus on my attitude about doing their laundry and my attitude towards my husband. That’s the real thing that will make me feel better in this situation, having a better attitude.

Step two, question 10. What options do you have to make things easier on you?

I love this question because it kind of forces my brain to start to think about solutions, to think about options, to think about ways I can get myself out of this, to get myself through this.

And I came up with a few things. Like I mentioned in the previous question, I want to do the laundry less often and be ok with it piling up a little bit. And I’ll buy more stuff to have as backup if I need to.

I’ll coach myself on how I’m thinking and feeling about doing their laundry. And I’ll coach myself on how I’m thinking and feeling about my husband in this situation. 

Also, I’ll ask my husband Simone to split this task with me fifty-fifty. And if he agrees, I’ll create a kid's laundry schedule. Maybe he could do it on Sundays and I’ll do it on Wednesdays or Thursdays or something like that. Those things would make it easier on me.

Now, I just realized something important. As I said before, it's important to me that my kids have clean clothes and clean sheets and clean towels. Telling myself that I have to do it is causing me so much emotional pain. I need to start telling myself that I want to do it. I want to provide them with clean stuff. So, this is something I’ll need to focus on during my self-coaching sessions when I’m thinking about doing this task and when I’m thinking about my husband in this situation. Ok.

Step two, question eleven. The final question for today. What are you going to do moving forward? Make a decision.

I’m going to do everything I mentioned in the previous question. And I’m going to get started with all of that today.

The one wildcard, if you will, is splitting the work fifty-fifty with my husband. Because I can’t control him. Like, at all. And he can’t control me either.

I can’t control his thoughts, his feelings, his actions or inactions, I can’t control anything that he says or does. So, he’s sort of like a wildcard with my plan.

I know my husband well so I’m pretty sure he’ll agree with splitting this work with me fifty-fifty. But if he’s not, I’m going to be prepared.

Right now, I’m already making the decision that I’ll continue to do my kids’ laundry and I’ll make sure it gets done at least twice a week. Whether it’s me doing it or both me and my husband I’m not sure yet. But I’m committed to getting my kids’ laundry done for them.

If my husband doesn’t want to split it, then I’ll coach myself through that at that time. Ok.

Wow. That was really helpful.

In step one, we decided on the topic we wanted to focus on in this workshop. I decided to focus on my kids’ laundry. And I wonder what you are focusing on.

In step two, we did some discovery work to figure out what’s happening right now. We figured out what we’re thinking, what we’re feeling, and what we’re doing when it comes to our topic. For me, that’s my kids’ laundry.

The discovery work we did today is all about uncovering those unintentional thoughts. Those unconscious thoughts. So we can be aware of them. And decide what we want to do with them from a place of power and confidence.

We are not victims of our thinking. We do have control over it. And that’s what we’ll explore more in next week’s podcast episode, which is workshop number two. If you want to look ahead inside your workbook, next week we’ll be covering step number three.

All right. Don’t forget to download your copy of the workbook at mcccoaching.com/burnout. And that link will also be in the show notes.

I hope you’re doing this important work with me. I hope you don't just passively listen to this episode and the next couple that are coming out. Do this work with me. That's where you're going to get the most benefit. That's where things will actually start to change in your life. You'll actually start to feel better.

No more letting the burnout control you. Start to control it.

And if you know anybody else who is experiencing mommy burnout, please share this episode with them. Burnout is not fun. I know you know this. And I really want to help as many people as I can with it so they can move on with their lives and focus on what matters most to them.

All right. I will talk to you next week in workshop number two. Take care.

Outro:
If you loved this podcast, I want to invite you to check out The 6 Stages Weight Loss Program. It’s my signature program that’ll teach you everything you need to know from start to finish to lose weight, reach your goal, and maintain it once you’re there. You’ll also learn how to have your own back through the process. Join me over at mcccoaching.com/join. I’ll see you there.

 

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